Damn

18 months after my last post and my life has truly become a dream come true... tears well up in my eyes as I revisit these posts and realize that I created my life now in those days back then. The dreams about Paris, the dreams in Red, the artists creating the paper mache statue of liberty and here I am, in NYC, semi-famous, well loved and respected, with 3 visits opto Paris, and 5 Parisian shows to show for it. Damn life is sweet... Current reading the teachings of Abraham Hicks thanks to Neil Mautone. g No longer a Muslim, but still faithful. An old lady in the park and I were feeding the squirrels and she said something sublimely profound that no one had ever really articulated to me: Religion creates separation; Spirituality creates one-ness... More later. Peace

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hey...

I know its been a while since I wrote anything...but I felt inspired to type something on this hot spring evening.

I was going through my messages on facebook tonight, thinking about all the time and energy I wasted on so many girls in my past... then I changed my perspective on it. That wasn't time wasted - it was all really just lessons learned the hard way.

Its been 6 months today (i think) since I last spoke with her. She was a train wreck and I'm grateful to have escaped with anything at all. Treading that path was tough for me... and I know she still thinks about me sometimes too, and how much she fucked up and how much I fucked up... but girls are humans too.

I'm blessed to have the guts and favor to move on, unlike my brother and cousin who are haunted by the toxicity of dysfunctional love...but I ain't gon lie, it still calls me sometimes, lol.

I'm so slow to trust now, it's ridiculous, lol. Nothing new is really added that sticks... I can allow myself to feel again after such time, but I'm so cautious...

Miss Feb 14th, an ode and a toast to you and your finesse... I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed me to be and I'm sorry you weren't ready when I was finished counting down from seven....

Speaking of seven - completion - I'm heavily pursuing modeling now - I am in contact with scouts from Red, Click, Soul, Request, Wilhelmina and Ford, all in New York.

I met him. I gained his trust. I showed him who I was, the good and the bad... the honest and the liar...and he captured that. Raised to understand the the devile himself has blue eyes, I trust his bleu eyes for some reason. I am going to make it without compromising myself. Selah.

I miss her, and it sucks that it had to be this way, but it did. For the longest, I would think about picking up the phone and calling her to try and reconcile, but Allah had his hands on me. Allah reminded me of all of the pain and loss and suffering I went through because of her wrecklessness. He retinged the heartache from the episodes of distrust and lies. He recalled my actions and inactions that ushered me to that crucial point where I wanted to look back and calmed me with the story of Santiago.

I live a great life. Maybe one day, we'll be something again, but then again - maybe not. :-) and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Til then, my corner is occupied and my time is bound by more important things.

Selah. We gon' make it...

Last night I had a dream that there were dozens of sculptors using their creative powers to build a huge, 80-100+ stories high, pure white, hollowed - almost paper mache-esque statue of what looked like it was going to be the statue of liberty. The face and neck were flown in by helicopter and magnificent lights were displayed on her. Sculptors on the helicopter spat out what seemed to be more concrete on patchwork materials - each sculptor seemed to work on his cell fervently and without regard to the person next to him, but each one knew what the ultimate outcome was - everyone was on the same page.

I also remember being in uniform before the sculptured portion of the dream. I saw myself in a full length mirror, and the uniform design was correct, but the colors weren't quite right. The tans were correct, but the greens were too green - like too vivid. Also there were massive blocks of a burnt orange mixed in with the improper colors. I do remember some sort of conflict - but to what nature or decree - I am unsure... this is all I can remember of it

Also - I've been paying attention to what I'm attracted to - Paris, France and everything about it... The Eiffel Tower, the fashion industry, the culture, even the power sources. I am scheduling shoots with Dallas Logan and Joseph Bleu when I got to NY. They are going to capture me and what it means to be a Cajun when I go - and I will be SO READY. Yes - yes indeed.

Besides that, Creepy unblocked me. Noticed when I went looking through some old messages - normally she pops up as a ghost, a deleted profile. Now, she's her again. . . Her hair is lighter...and needs a touch up at the roots. . . maybe I'll get her something for Valentines day - just to be an asshole. Lol - Paolo Coehlo just sent me a message saying that "A very small dose of revenge is always good for your health (ALEPH)." I might get Sable too - why not? :-) She's good for ignoring me. . .

Time to read up on the AOS I guess.

Toying With my Affliction...

Struggling with moving forward... one day at a time

Dreams

LAST NIGHT, I had a dream that I was having a conversation with the leader of the free world over Hennessy and Coke on ice. If it had been real, it would've been my first alcoholic drink ever. I sipped it, swished it around in my mouth and swallowed once as we discussed the state of the Union, our dreams and goals for the new year, and . It was so real. P.Diddy was also there along with the Mighty Mos and Common, to name a few. Maybe it had something to do with the conversation I had with a brother last night about the oath of David that everyone who followed John the Baptist had to take, including the Messiah - thus proving that he had dreds, as Solomon also took the same oath and had 6 dreds... [Hmm - Solomon - gonna get back to that...]

The dude claimed to be highly well versed in his belief system, proclaiming the entire time that if someone tells you something that makes you question your beliefs, then you didn't really believe it in the first place - which is another tangent.

I sat and listened as he meticulously mangled another man's - whom was highly inebriated - belief system. I paid close attention to his plays on words and his angles. This guy was smooth, and it burned for me not to get him, but I stayed humble, and quiet, as I was built to do. The one question I begged to ask was this: How many churches do you pass on your way to YOUR church... and why?

Now for some people, the answer is zero, and that's cool, but for most self proclaimed Christians, why is the spectrum of one's beliefs so narrow? And is that acceptable? This man professed to know the real truth, and that his way was ultimately correct but the truth is that nobody really knows. Recalling an episode of House, he said something that struck a nerve - that he preferred not to believe that this is all a test. . . and some would agree, and some would agree to disagree, but is life a test where you have to watch everything you say and do or else you won't make it to or is life meant to be lived . . . .

I also had a dream about my friend Q. Logic and my brother. But I won't touch on that... I must pay attention though.

(hold on)

My friend Delayne is on the phone with me. She says my tones is reminiscent of an old comic book or Dick Tracy - gotta love her, lol... she's suggesting that i write a script in order to visualize my goals and dreams. #PPowerstruggle

Anyway - next post will be my New Years Bucket List, Playing on Solomon, and toying with this scripted mental vision board...

Til then

ciao.

Ending Cycles

I'm about to run to clear my head for this one... be back soon